From Pies to Cakes with Love
I have always loved sweet baked goodies, but I have not always been a doula. The love of sweet things goes ack to my grandma, I can still picture her in her kitchen making pies, cookies and cakes. I think her favourite was pies, because pie crusts were the one special thing my own mother passed down to me. My love of pies runs deep and true, from apple pie in the fall to peach pie in the late summer. Pie is superb, I love the hot sweet filling juxtaposed to the flaky tender crust. Not to brag, but my pie crusts are awesome. The secret is lard, and a bit of ice-cold vodka mixed with when adding the water.
Cakes on the other hand… cakes are a recent development. It wasn’t until pregnancy with my daughter when I started appreciating cakes. Which I know sounds ridiculous, who doesn’t love cake? But before pregnancy I was a pie girl all the way. Now? Now I can’t get enough.
I remember in the third trimester, after I had stopped working, I was on a Downton Abby binge (again). Inspired by their teatime, I decided to host my own teatime with my daughter-to-be, myself and the series. Now, being the middle-lands of North America I grew up with Betty Crocker. My grandma had a Betty Crocker cookbook, my mother did, and when I moved out of the house, I had my own. So, in my cake-craving mood I scoured my old faithful Betty Crocker for an easy to make cake. One I didn’t have to leave the house hugely pregnant to buy speciality supplies. I didn’t have any cake mixes, but I did have all the basics. Voila, I found the oldy but goody of a Lemon Poppy Seed Cake. Unfortunately, I did not have a bundt pan, but I had other pans, and nothing was going to stop me in my pregnant cake-pursuits.
Dearest gentle reader it was phenomenal. It turned out soft and moist with a light and airy crumb. Not too sweet, but sweet enough. Not too lemony, but lemony enough. Pregnant me was happy, full, and craving-free.
I made that cake twice, paired it with a late afternoon decaf latte. Oh, those blissful days pre-baby where I lounged on the sofa eating cake with Downton Abby! It was bliss, total calorie-laden, sweet tooth-fulfilled bliss. No experience unpregnant compares to those satisfied cravings.
Being pregnant introduced me to my love of cake. It continued postpartum and into my working days as a doula. Even two and a half years later I still love cake (and eat it more than pie!).
Once I decided to become a doula (a story for another post) I realized how valuable food is to the newly postpartum. So, I started taking cake on the first visit to my postpartum clients (after getting their food allergies confirmed of course). Who doesn’t love cake? I’ll tell you who loves cake, people how have just given birth, they definitely love cake.
Stay tuned for more stories about cake and babies. Thanks so much for reading.
E
How and Why I Became a Doula
So a question I get a lot out in the wild is, ‘what do you do?’. When I tell people that I am a doula most of the time they don’t know what that is. Which is a little bit sad because if you’re having a baby or if you recently just have had a baby, a doula is the very person that you want in your life.
Though, honestly? Before the birth of my daughter, I had no idea what a doula is or the work that we do. I was blissfully unaware of the struggle of birth/delivery and postpartum. I had no idea of the effort it takes to deliver a baby from your body into the outside world. I was never around newborns, my only sibling was born when I was five years old, and never watched any realistic movies or documentaries about what it takes for the human race to survive. Anyone who has had a baby knows that it’s a miracle that humans have survived as a species especially since our infants are particularly helpless when compared to other great apes.
Anyways, doulas are caregivers to pregnant people and the newly postpartum. There are also death doulas, fertility doulas, and abortion doulas. For the purpose of this post I’ll only talk about birth and postpartum. Birth doulas do a couple of things, there is usually a couple educational sessions prior to birth, then they are on call from 37 weeks until you deliver. They meet you during active labour and support your throughout the birth. My Toronto birth doula was Vera, a lovely, experienced, and no nonsense doula here in town. I will never be able to repay her (even though I did pay her) for her presence during the birth of my daughter. I felt safe, secure, and listened to during the whole 30 some hour ordeal. Vera was my advocate and a support person for my partner (who was otherwise useless).
I am so privileged, because I not only had a birth doula I also had a postpartum doula in Toronto. Her name is Mira and she is Vera’s sister. From the very first night, Mira was with us helping me recover and allowing us to sleep after an extended hospital stay. She was like a favourite auntie, family you actually like, sharing her knowledge of newborns. Newborns are wild. They’re like little potatoes because they don’t really do anything. But they also illicit from you massive feelings especially if you decided to lactate. I can’t even remember what those early postpartum days were like except for the raging anxiety that coursed through my body. Thankfully, Mira was there offering a sense of calm that was so palpable it would wash over me during our sessions.
Postpartum doulas take care of the birth giver. I became a postpartum doula mainly due to my own lived experience. We also help with light household chores, lactation, and some meal prep. For me, all I needed was someone to hold space with me, someone who has done this crazy thing before, someone who could reassure me that I was doing it right. Also, someone to hold my Velcro baby because she absolutely refused to be put down. She never slept in her bassinet, and only slept in our arms for the first eight week of her life. After than we started co-sleeping (a post for another time).
Unfortunately this post didn’t have a lot to do with cake ☹. But I will make it up to you with the next one, I made a fabulous upside down pear cake with ginger-infused caramel. OOOOH NELLY is it good. Pics for proof for the next post.
Cake vs Bread
Okay as promised, here is the picture of my upside down pear cake with ginger-infused caramel. Isn’t she pretty? It was Thanksgiving recently and we needed something sweet to celebrate, so IG was the inspiration. One of my favourite things recently is to get recipes from IG. Though I’ve found that you need a decent understanding of either baking basics or cooking basics if you want to recreate a recipe. These quick reels seem to gloss over the nuances of preparing each dish.
Anyways, one of my favourite snack-cakes to take to clients is banana bread. Or is it cake? My partner and I have an ongoing discussion/argument concerning the exact nature of said loaf pictured below. My take on it, is that it’s bread. Mainly because of the shape, it looks like a loaf therefore it must be a loaf. Now I know that logic is flawed, but I have no other ground to stand on. Its banana bread because I grew up eating and calling it banana bread. Now my partner argues vehemently that it is cake. Now, I agree with him. But don’t tell him that! If you really want to investigate the ingredients, anyone will also see his side.
In bread, there are minimal ingredients. Flour, water, salt, yeast. Maybe sometimes walnuts or raisins. Or maybe some herbs. Cake on the other hand, and especially this upside down pear cake, is mostly sugar. The ratio between flour to sugar for this cake is 1:1. Plus caramel. It’s disgusting how good it is. So, the banana bread I like to take to clients is obviously cake. There’s at least ½ cup of honey in it. But there’s also walnuts and bananas so that makes it healthy right? I haven’t had any complaints yet from postpartum clients.
This recipe I did not find on IG, but I found on a vacation to Quebec during my second trimester. Early on I was extremely nauseous and exhausted. I had to have a constant stream of saltines or pretzels to settle me stomach. Thankfully, by the second trimester the uncomfortableness waned, and I could move my body again. I was really active before pregnancy; I loved biking, running and yoga. But the moment I conceived, my body said, ‘nope!’. I was exhausted, and even yoga felt like it was too much.
But by the second trimester I felt like myself again and we took a trip to Gatineau. Fun fact about myself, even though I did not grow up in Canada both of my parents are francophones. Also after high school I took a trip to France. Now my French is rusty, but I was aching to get out of town. It was about a five-hour drive, and if you do it in autumn, it is so lovely. We went to du parc de la Gatineau et Jacques-Cartier Park. However I was itching to move my body again, and I found a lovely co-op. I was able to meet other expectant parents, had a lovely yoga session, and came away feeling more at ease in my body than I had in a long time.
So back to cake… or is it bread? Regardless, it has been a hit to my clients ever since my trip to Gatineau. Stary tuned for the next post where I attempt my hand with some sourdough bread. I had a client, lets call her Grace who was health focused and scheduled me for some meal prep. A lot of meal prep actually, I share the tea in my next post!
Some business talk…
Now, I am a little hesitant to write this next post. And it doesn’t really have anything to do with cake, pies, or sourdough. But I think it’s important especially in our western culture of “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality that is so prevalent.
There’s a lot that goes into being a doula. First there’s the training and finding an agency that is 1) affordable and 2) reliable. Meaning that you can depend on them to give you quality training instead of just a weekend course that ‘teaches’ you enough to be able to support a pregnant person through their delivery or their postpartum experience. Second, and I think that this is the kicker for most doulas is running a business.
Running a business is hard for a myriad of reasons, one for me in particular, is self-promotion. It does not come easy for me, nor do I enjoy it. But it is required to be successful. Now on a whim I went to a networking event to drum up some clients, and instead of doing that I met a business coach named Iffy Kazim.
Now I’m not sure if I believe in fate, I’m more of an evidence-based person but it is curious that we met that particular night. Why? Because I don’t really do networking events; I my daughter is still little, and I don’t like missing the evening routines. Additionally, Iffy is a local business coach who has worked with doulas in the past. Now, dear reader this is very rare. In my opinion most business coaches are male and profit-driven. Not that that’s bad per se, but to meet someone who is also a parent, a business coach, and knows about doulas and the work we do? It’s just a little peculiar that we met that night. At this point in time I had been working as a doula for a year and it was a slog to get business on my own. Honestly, I had to turn to working with agencies in order to get clients. But then I met Iffy.
We’ve been working together for seven months and it really has been transformational. I’m very grateful for I work together and I want to recognize the privilege that comes with working with a coach. First off, she has me working on my mental narrative. I now have a mantra that I repeat to myself daily. I’ve also started a gratitude journal and an accomplishment journal. I do those two things nightly. Our session this week focused on my mission statement and my vision. Which has been really useful for my mental narrative because I sometimes have a hard time feeling secure in my business choice.
More than being a good business coach, I’m very grateful to her because she is also a parent. She knows what it’s like to undergo a major life transition, to have your entire being focused entirely upon another. It’s been a struggle to create space in my brain to promote my business because I tend to skew a bit on the mommy-martyr side of things. In my defense, it’s hard to value my own work vis-à-vis my parenting responsibilities. But Iffy calls me out on my sh*t, and teaches me that valuing myself is good for everyone, including my child. I don’t really think if I were to find a male business coach that they would entirely understand.
So, in conclusion, if you are thinking about ever getting a business coach… I have one I can recommend. Especially if you’re a parent. Okay. Enough with business talk, let’s get back to cake!
Brownies and babies
Up here north of the 49th parallel a colleague of mine is starting to host regular birthworker gatherings. I love it, doula work is sometimes really lonely. It’s not like you have a workspace that you go to a couple times a week to interact with colleagues. It’s just you in the birth or postpartum space. Birth or postpartum aren’t really the ideal situations to have a causal conversation about the weather. What I’m meaning to say is that it’s hard to connect with people when you never see your colleagues. Also, our work is draining. Please do not get me wrong, there is something so special to bear witness to others during a major life transition. As doulas we hold space. But sometimes it’s nice to be not the holder of space, but the hold-ee.
At a recent gathering I met two a lovely person who is originally from the East but is here in the West coast doing some birthwork. Juliet was like a breath of fresh air and she is mostly a home birth doula. The stories she told were so heart-warming. One of her clients had an in-home twin birth. Yeah. It’s pretty rare. The mom was a second-time parent, and she just knew in every inch of her being that she wanted to have her babies at home. And she did. I’ll spare you the details of the birth, it’s not for the weak-stomached. But I really have never heard such a story before. Usually because twins are typically classified as ‘high-risk’ and are usually seen by obgyns. This parent was attended to by midwives (who are medical professionals btw), and Juliet.
We also had a really interesting conversation about stretch and sweep. Consent is so important and often birth parents don’t know that they can or refuse a stretch and sweep. I’ve read and heard so many stories of doulas standing up for clients in the birth space, making sure that our clients know that they can consent to procedures proffered by the medical community.
Honestly, it’s these types of stories that rally move me and solidify my desire to work as a doula. This job is hard, what I’ve been struggling with recently is the isolation of birthwork. It’s hard to always be the caregiver. The emotional labour required to know thyself and then to quiet yourself when entering a home can be quite profound. Before I go into a workspace, I really try to take a moment and do some grounding work. I like to stand on a solid surface (grass is my favorite), take some deep breaths and really feel my feet being in contact with the earth. I bring my awareness to each foot and then separately to each toe, breathing deep breaths and sending any anxious, or bad energy out my body through my feet. I then take a moment to feel how my body feels, to see if there is any tension creeping in my shoulders or elsewhere. I stand in that moment quiet and breathing.
I love this practice of mine and frankly I think it would be really useful if I would integrate it into other areas of my life. It seems like I have gotten off track, but I’m so grateful to meet other birthworkers and to share space with them when I have the chance, it’s such a privilege.